People have such power & ability, they might not be able to heal you, but they can help & so can you
The power to make you laugh or cry, happy or sad, & can be kind or mean to you. What they can never do is change you, your behaviour & your feelings. You can blame someone who “made you” do something bad because they upset you. Please don’t misunderstand my meaning, I don’t mean those who physically, sexually & emotionally abuse you, that is different, I’m referring to have often I can criticise my husband & say “it’s your fault I’m feeling down today”. It’s not. Sometimes he could does something to make me feel better, but anxiety & mental health, however many triggers & warnings, often has no rhyme or reason & your feeling down cannot be controlled often even by you, let alone anyone else.
I’m not talking about professional therapists with skills to help you handle life, or the comedians that for an hour or two, however low you were had you laughing in stitches, but I mean one said person can’t be the reason your happy. They can’t cure you of depression & they can’t make you hurt someone else or yourself. They have they ability, should they choose to use it to ease some of those issues, soothe some of the anxiety, react appropriately when maybe you aren’t & to hold & hug you when others may choose to shout & judge you. But you have these controls too, you just might not have the skills to use them yet. I believe this wholeheartedly. There are things I want to do, ways I want to feel & react & I can’t – YET! I know with time, learning, training, development & an open heart & mind I can learn to behave differently, feel differently & react differently. I’m passionate about finding my own way of doing random acts of kindness.
But we all hold a power to make someone’s day a little better. I know however much I’m suffering, when I think of someone else, send a text, drop them a card or even a little present through the post, I feel better. I feel better knowing that they know I care. Because I do. Even when I’m locked in my own thoughts & can’t leave my bed, it’s often because I care too much about what people think of me or how they might think towards me.
Sometimes it might come across like I’m trying to “buy friendship”, but I’m not. Sometimes flowers, or a card, or a gift or a text is all I can do from my room to say “thinking of you”, “thank you” or “sorry for letting you down, again”. I also think it’s the personalised touch that helps. So it’s the photograph you send, the quote etched into a keyring, the gif or meme you send in the text that says I’m not just randomly texting, but I am thinking of you, right now in this moment in this situation.
For me it has to be through the post when I’m feeling low because I may not want to go out. But on the reserve there are many things that have had happened that have impacted my day
- My sister shared one of my blog posts & said how proud they were of me (Someone being proud of me is a huge deal for me)
- Surprisingly being nominated for an award
- Two friends came to my house when I cancelled going for coffee through anxiety. They just came to see me. One popped in again a few weeks later just because he was driving past and wanted to say hi & give me a hug
- A text from a friend saying I was smashing my borderline personality disorder & they were always there for me
- A special cup for Christmas. I had once admired a friends, who waited months & remembered before getting me one for Christmas. It meant to so much that she had listened & remembered what I said
- When I first starting my now husband I had a complete Disney obsession for Eeyore. A week wouldn’t go past without him buying me a lolly or letting or cuddly toy
- Telling me my eye makeup looked beautiful
- I was in a pub on a work social and a complete stranger came up to me and asked where I got my dress from because it was stunning. It changed my whole night because I’d be so self conscious and feeling frumpy
Some of these take little cost, time or effort, but can mean the world. I make a conscious effort to tell my husband he looks gorgeous before he goes out, not just because he does, but because I know it makes him feel better. I also consciously give women genuine compliments when I’m out, because I know how it feels. I don’t just say “you look nice”, but “wow I love your hair tonight”, “where are your shoes from” “have you lost weight”, but when it’s genuine.
You can be low, depressed, anxious & feeling terrible, but you too can make someone else feel better & although it won’t cure you, I promise it will give you a little boost to know that with all your going through, you took the thought & time to think of someone else. I love the Top 10 reasons on Life Hacks for why complimenting others is so good for you. Kindness & compliments cost nothing & mean everything, but remember to offer yourself the same courtesy. You deserve each day to find that little compliment for yourself. There’s some great tips on building your own self esteem here on the Mind website.
About Sarah Cardwell
Sarah Cardwell is a new blogger having recently been diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder/ Borderline Personality Disorder in January 2018. She has been under a mental health team since 1998. She is firstly a mother to her two daughters & wife to her husband. Family matters most to Sarah as not only did she lose her mother-in-law in 2009, her father-in-law in 2010, her own mother in 2015 & lost her best friend who took her own life in 2016. Sarah really struggled to know how to deal with these emotions & bereavements. She loves her job as an Executive Assistant at Good Things Foundation, www.goodthingsfoundation.org a social & digital inclusion charity. You can read more of Sarah’s blogs on Mental health, borderline personality disorder, anxiety, ovarian cancer, family life & her work at sarahsthinkingagain.blog